So, by now everyone has seen Gillette’s new ad challenging men to do better and the subsequent reaction from many men generally saying, “Nah, fuck all that!”

While many of us reasonable people saw a simple ad suggesting men should stop harassing women in the street, online and in the workplace, stop the bullying and senseless fighting and quit with the “boys will be boys” copout, many men, especially white men and particularly conservative white men saw Gillette’s new commercial (where not a single person is actually shaving, but whatever) as an affront to all things manly and an assertion that men are responsible for all the world’s ills.

Personally, I just don’t understand all the butthurt. While bro-flakes all over the internet are decrying the ad as an insult that paints all males as brutish and toxic, it seems to me that it went very far out of it’s way include a #NotAllMen message. The joint was rife with men glaring remorsefully and introspectively into screens, Terry Cruz passionately exclaiming about men holding other men accountable and, well, men holding other men accountable by blocking their catcalls and stopping fights. Honestly, if this was “male-bashing” it was the softest, Nerf hammer “male-bashing” I’d ever seen.

Still, a myriad of manly, masculine, macho, machismo-clad, alpha-males all over the world felt under attack by the femanazi “war on masculinity” and got their camo-panties all in a bunch over Gillette’s benign show of #MeToo solidarity, and for a picture perfect example of dense dude-bros showing their sensitive asses in spectacular ridiculousness, look no further than this fucking guy here.

Practicing our “toxic masculinity”🇺🇸
Hey Gillette does this offend you?! 😂😂
I’ll raise my kids the way I believe they should be….thanks for your advice😉
-Graham🇺🇸

This is conservative, social media personality, Graham Allen (a man so backwards, he has a last name for a first name and a first name for a last name). You may know him from his viral ant-imagination video (where he’s having a pretend argument with his wife who pretend tells him she wants to pretend remove all the walls from their home) captioned, “Let’s end this ridiculous border debate RIGHT NOW!!!

….You want open borders….take your own doors off your own home and lets see how that goes!

Someone had to say it!” (by this he means, “9,899,678 people have already said it but 9,899,679 people had to say it”)

Well here he is with his children, posing with guns in a cotton field as a way of sticking it to Gillette… And I have a few questions…

  1. What’s with the cotton field?

It’s like… I wanna say it’s racist, but there’s not a black person in sight. So, is it slavery innuendo? Did Allen say to himself, “Hmmm, how can I own these libs by being as offensive as I can be in one photo. I got muh guns. Not giving my little girl one covers sexism. How about a healthy dose of mild racism to put a nice little cherry on this turd pie?” Like, maybe he couldn’t find any black friends to pose as niggras or mammies, but he figured white people posing with guns in a cotton field will trigger us to imagine them taking a quick snapshot before going out to hunt down a few runaways.

Or maybe this hick ass mother fucker just happens to have a cotton field in his backyard. *shrugs” Anyway, moving on…

2. Nah, but forreal where’s his daughters gun?

Daughter: “But, daddy I want a gun! How come y’all all git wun but I dirnt?”

Dad: “Well nah, munchkin, you don’t have a penis what need compensatin’ fur. Now hush up while I self own…. I mean, own these libturds!” *spits tobaccy*

This is the only way I can imagine that conversation went before the picture was taken (provided this guy knows the word “compensate”).

A lot of people who’ve seen this picture have asked why the girl is the only one without a gun. I mean, right-wingers are usually proud to have their young daughters pose with guns, aren’t they? Or maybe this guy figured if he’s going to piss off liberals (and by “piss off” I really mean “have them laugh at him relentlessly”) he might as well go all the way in and present the damsel in distress, “only weapon a woman needs is a spatula and a cookbook” motif. Or maybe the idea is that protecting the women folk is an example of non toxic masculinity.

Whatever, I’ll just get to the most obvious question…

3. The fuck does the Gillette ad have to do with guns?

It seems like every time conservatives want to egg on the left, their go-to is to take a picture with guns and post it on the web in hopes of triggering (no pun intended) them into being offended. While this act typically doesn’t have the desired effect, as most liberals want stricter gun laws, not a complete eradication of fire arms, it, at the very least, makes contextual sense when gun control is the subject at hand. In this case it wasn’t.

In the ad, there wasn’t a single gun or even any insinuations regarding gun laws. It’s like if I insulted your penmanship and you clapped back by showing me how great a football player you are. So, what the fuck, bro?

Let’s give ol’ Grahammy the benefit of the doubt and say this pic wasn’t an ill conceived 2nd amendment provocation. Let’s just say the point here was to show a superficial contrast between masculinity and femininity. Or maybe the idea is him and is future school shooters…. I mean, sons showing off their manliness by acting as his future domestic violence vic… I mean, daughter’s personal armed guard.

Either way, this would demonstrate a typical misunderstanding of what “toxic masculinity” is. Toxic masculinity doesn’t mean all masculinity is toxic. The idea behind the term addresses the negative effects of hyper-masculinity, such as misogyny, chauvinism, homophobia, propensity for violence and reluctance to to show any emotion outside of anger. It doesn’t imply that there’s anything wrong with moderate roughhousing, love for sports, attraction to women or affinity for guns (although there must be some kind of link between toxic masculinity and American obsession with guns).

But Graham Allen took a nice chunk of time out of his day to get the family together, put guns in all the male hands, find themselves a cotton field to set the ambiance, snap a photo and post it to his page making himself the subject of far more ridicule than adoration (seriously, you should check the comments on the original post) all because the big, bad manly man was triggered (pun absolutely intended) by a Gillette commercial.

Well shit, he sure showed them.



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